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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886483">Thank You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trenchcoat_Impala/pseuds/Trenchcoat_Impala'>Trenchcoat_Impala</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>The Mixtape, Zeppelin - Freeform, thank you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:54:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trenchcoat_Impala/pseuds/Trenchcoat_Impala</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean visits Cas' room after his death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Castiel, Destiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Thank You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just a little drabble I wrote because ~pain~<br/>You can also read <a href="https://trenchcoatimpala.tumblr.com/post/636621886398283776/the-hardest-part-was-that-there-was-no-body-to">Thank you on my tumblr</a><br/></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hardest part was that there was no body to burn. There was no official goodbye. There was nothing left of Cas except an empty room with the few personal items he kept there.</p><p>Dean tried so hard not to let Sam see how much it affected him. He’d smile. Make a joke. Order burgers. Drink a beer. Do everything he usually did, just trying to act <em>normal.</em></p><p>But there was no normal anymore. </p><p>Not without Cas.</p><p>He didn’t know how he ended up there, in Cas’ room, staring at his bed -the bed he never used because angel’s don’t sleep- but he’d gotten there somehow. The room was about as bare as it could be. Nothing was on the walls, the bed was made up nice and neat, but it still screamed <em>Cas </em>from every corner.</p><p>His eyes traveled over the room, stopping on the desk where Cas had propped up a few pictures of the three of them, but there was one of just him and Cas too, smiling, carefree, at the camera, as if nothing could ever go wrong in their lives.</p><p>He looked away from the pictures and his eyes stopped on the closet, it was shut tightly, but Dean moved to open it. </p><p>The door rattled as it opened and then Dean had to take a step back when the overpowering scent of <em>Cas</em> washed over him. The whole closet smelled like Cas, the smell of the angel lingered on every article of clothing, in every dust mite, and Dean felt tears burn the back of his eyelids as he rested his head against the closet door, trying to steady his breathing.</p><p>There were about three of Cas’ suits in the closet, and an abundance of ties. Dean reached out with shaking hands to touch a blue and white stripped one, letting the fabric slide through his fingers. It was soft, and smooth, and Dean couldn’t help himself from pulling it off the tie rack and shoving it in his pocket. </p><p>It was when he turned back around that he spotted <em>it</em>, laying on the bedside table, sitting beside the Walkman he’d let Cas borrow; the mixtape. </p><p>He didn’t think Cas still had it. He thought maybe it would have been forgotten in an old car or dropped accidently between hunts, he never in a million years thought Cas would have managed to keep it.</p><p>Dean stared at it for a long time, the hum of the bunker’s generator all he could hear in his pounding ears. </p><p>He remembered making it. </p><p>Meticulously going through every one of Zepp’s songs to find the perfect ones; his top thirteen. </p><p>It had been a painstaking experience that had taken him months to find the time to complete, but he’d wanted to give Cas something to show how much he cared about him, something that showed Cas how much he <em>loved </em>him. But Cas being Cas didn’t understand the significance of a mixtape, and Dean hadn’t expected him to… even though he’d <em>hoped</em>.</p><p>But then Cas died. Sacrificed himself to The Empty, to save <em>him…</em> and Dean hadn’t even been able to say it back…</p><p>Dean sniffed and sat down on the edge of the bed, the mattress sagging under his weight as more tears fell from his eyes. </p><p>He placed the mixtape in the Walkman and then pressed play.</p><p>Zepp’s <em>Thank You </em>filled his ears and he fell back onto the bed, letting the music drown him.</p><p>
  <em>If the sun refused to shine,<br/>
I would still be loving you.<br/>
When mountains crumble to the sea,<br/>
There will still be you and me.</em>
</p><p>Dean started to tremble, the Walkman falling from his hands onto the bed as he pressed his palms into his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Little drops of rain<br/>
Whisper of the pain.<br/>
Tears of love lost in the days gone by.</em>
</p><p>So much time lost. He should have just told Cas how he felt before Cas made that stupid deal, he should have just kissed him when he handed him the mixtape.</p><p>He shouldn’t have thought he had time.</p><p>And when Cas had stood before him, every hit of Billie’s fist on the door sending a jolt down Dean’s spine, he’d been so happy, so happy to finally tell Dean everything, tears of pure joy falling from his eyes.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I wondered… what it could be… what my true happiness could even look like… I never found an answer…because the one thing I want… it’s something I know I can’t have.</em><br/>
</b>
</p><p>Cas had wanted <em>Dean</em>. He’d wanted Dean just as much as Dean had wanted him, and he thought he couldn’t have it.</p><p><em>For you to me are the only one.</em><br/>
Happiness, no more be sad,<br/>
Happiness… I’m glad.</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>But I think I know… I think I know now… happiness, isn’t in the having… it’s in just being, it’s in just saying it.</b>
  </em>
</p><p>The song ended and Dean stopped the tape, unable to listen to another song. He stared at the ceiling, dull and gray above him, and he tried to feel that happiness Cas had felt. Tried to fill his longing with love, as Cas had done.</p><p>Cas’ blue eyes filled his mind, mouth turned into a soft smile.</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>I love you.</b>
  </em>
</p><p>“I love you too, Cas,” Dean choked out, he’d never been able to say it before, the words always got stuck in his throat. But finally speaking them, it was freeing. He understood the happiness Cas had been able to find in just saying it. “And thank you-” he continued as his tears dropped from the corners of his eyes onto the bed “-for everything.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked this, come bother me on <a href="https://trenchcoatimpala.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a><br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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